Having kids was one of the reasons we upped sticks and moved back to Australia. We wanted to be closer to our families, yet not so close we were on their back doors. we also knew Australia had better opportunities work wise for the both of us.
We moved back prior to me being diagnosed with MS, and even built a house with children in mind. Although the MS was diagnosed half way through the building process. We thought we would still try for a family. Even when the Specialist suggested going on the MS medication, we wanted to keep trying.
We gave ourselves 12 months. I have never had that burning desire to be a mother. I liked the idea of having children, watching them grow, instilling my ethics and ideas into them and molding them into amazing people. But if it didn't happen it was never going to be the end of the world for me. So trying fertility treatments and/or IVF didn't ever enter in to the equation. And to be honest, even if I hadn't been diagnosed with MS, I don't think we would have tried any of the fertility treatments.
So when it didn't happen for us, and it was time for me to go on the medication, we didn't feel like we hadn't tried. And we both agreed it was the Universe telling us it wasn't meant to be.
After talking to friends with and without MS, I think the decision we have made is the right one. Although it was hard to begin with, and a lot of friends and family around us were having kids, in the end it's been the right decision for us.
Watching how tired some friends get who don't have MS, makes me think I've done the right thing. Some friends who do have MS and kids, say they wouldn't change it for the world, also say they wish they'd known how bad it could get.
We have made some compensations though. We get to travel a bit more, and have managed to adopt two incredibly gorgeous cats, who we love to death. We get to spend our money on us. And I am not ashamed of being able to do that. We also get to spend it on the people around us, and the kids they have. We can watch all our friends' children grow up and be part of their lives. And when they start screaming, crying and need changing, we can hand them back to their parents! It really is the best of both worlds.
It's the not the life I imagined for myself, when we started talking about families, but i am okay with it now.
It took a little while to get my head around, and there are some days when I have a maternal flutter... but they're few and far between. And I pick up a phone and call a friend who has kids. Then I'm all better again!
Stay safe
xoxo
